The Quest

Bsd

This is the mission statement of this blog. So read it carefully.


Who am I? What am I?
These questions have answers and yet they have none.
Here’s a question:
What’s the difference between what I am and who I am? Aren’t they one, indivisible, a redundant repetition of a question whose answer is the same?
Here’s an answer:
No.
Who am I?
A soul bound within a body. A spark of G-d Himself, pure and eternal, beloved and whole.
What am I?
A girl who complains about never getting anything done and then never does anything about it. Only one of my mortal imperfections.
Who am I?
A Jewess, proud and fiery with my belief. I carry within me the hopes of my ancestors and my children will reap the fruits of their dreams.
What am I?
Never a true doubter, have I ever known the certainty that comes from asking questions, or do I merely follow the path that has been laid before me, only thinking that I have challenged and been satisfied?

I could fill pages, both with what I have been told about myself and what I consider my own unique discoveries.
I could describe the composition of my soul, the charting of my being, the essence I barely recognize.
I could describe the nuances of my character, the faults and wonders that I marvel over when I uncover them, astounded by the reality that this is me.

Does any of it answer the questions?
Who am I?
What am I?

In the quest to discover the answers, I doubt myself:
Does it matter?
In the quiet where I find the answers, I affirm:
I know it does.

If I am honest with myself, I will admit that I hate these questions. It is because I know the answers.
And knowing that I know the answers leaves me with no excuse for why I haven’t followed them through the course, through to action, through to change.

Who am I?
What am I?
I know!

On the quest, in the quiet, I cry:
“If I know, then why don’t I…?!”
In response, my soul turns over, and stubbornly returns to sleep.