Starting Over

B"H
It's Elul again. Again.
I'm in New York again. Again.
Only this year, everything is different.
I've left my childhood behind, and I am moving on.
When I was a young girl, maybe nine or ten, I used to dream about reaching this point of my life. When I would dress up fancy, and have an apartment in the city, and live with friends, and work, and then one day I'd meet someone and fall in love.
Now I'm here.
And I'm scared and excited and a bit lost.
I have the apartment. I have the friends. I have a job (Finally!). I (almost) have the clothes. And one day, I'll meet someone.
But that day is still a ways away. As much as I'd love to fall in love, I am not ready.
I have one goal for this year. It can be summed up in two words: Grow Up.
In detail:
I have to pay bills, make flights, buy groceries and cook for myself. How would I take care of my husband and my children if I didn't know how to take care of myself?
I want to be a writer. That means I have to write! It's no longer just a hobby, or a talent that my teachers praise. I want to write and have people read what I write. I want to do something with it.
I don't want to compare. It's poisonous. I am thrilled by the thought of being "different" than other girls because of my background. And yet, I envy the way another girl dresses even as I turn my nose up at her "Crown Heights look".
I'm giving myself six months. Six-month trial period is standard, isn't it?

We're all starting a new year. For me, this year is really new. A whole new life. I'm not a schoolgirl any longer. I'm something unfamiliar. Just - me.
I have a chance at fulfilling long-held dreams.
Wish me luck.