3:30 AM Rant

B"H
Here I am, sitting on the couch which has been doubling as my bed for the past week, tears rolling down my face because my new contacts dry out when I stare at anything for more than 15 seconds, writing for what seems like the first time in ages. I also have just torn myself away from reading other people's blogs, and wondering why they actually have readers and comments!
A comment from my mother drifts through my mind; "As long as you compare yourself to to others, you won't have the self-confidence to do what you have to do." Profound. But still, I find myself wondering, 'How did they do it?!'
Other aggreivances: family time is never as satisfying as I imagine/hope it will be; all too often, I am negative (what happened to my natural optimism?); I still don't know what I'm doing in the summer; I can't seem to communicate properly with my brothers; and everything I've worked on accomplishing this past year in Tsfat has sloughed off me like old skin.
WHAT TO DO!?
(I really like ?! as a punctuation. That and - , as well as...)
G-d, it feels good to write. I need a laptop. As a writer, its going to be a neccessary tool. But my mother told me today that my sister and brother-in-law purchased the one I am currently using for $1000! Help!
Another complaint - I don't really know what I'm doing. I am, to make a confession, fairly computer illiterate. I've had my camera since September, and I had to come home and ask my brother which setting was the anti-redeye. It's frustrating.
One day, when someone actually reads this, please comment! If for no actual reason, at least so that I can have the satisfaction of knowing that the energy I put into writing this hasn't just vanished into the consuming existence of Internet oblivion.
Thank you, and Goodnight.