Thoughts Inspired by a Barbie Doll

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When I was eight, I got a Pioneer Barbie for my birthday. I adored that doll from the moment I laid eyes on her. She had chestnut brown hair, green eyes, and sweet freckles dotted across her dainty plastic nose . But as I explored the intricacies of her gingham dress and apron, I noticed one flaw.
She had a tiny flap of ‘skin’ that hung loose from her leg. Bothered by this imperfection, in my delightful new toy, I gave that little plastic piece a tug. It tore off easily, shredding a path through the smooth surface that surrounded it, leaving behind a raw and ragged swath.
Horrified, I tried to repair the damage by pulling off those shreds of plastic that remained. Needless to say, the problem only grew worse. My poor Barbie looked like her leg had been mauled, or as if she’d been afflicted with some rare skin disease. I did my best to cover her legs up (easy to do in a frum household), but I always knew what a horrible sight lay beneath the folds of cloth. And the knowledge always made me uneasy.
That’s always been me, though. I pick. I pull. Whether it be the plastic skin on the leg of a Barbie doll, or the tension at a Friday night meal, or what exactly was I thinking when I said/did/thought/felt this or that? When we took personality tests in seminary, my highest score was in the category of Self Knowledge. I looked at the results and thought, Yup, that’s me. Which might mean that I do know myself well.
Here’s the rub.
When is the picking and pulling a wonderful tool of discovery, and when does it leave destruction in its wake, like the shredded legs of my Pioneer Barbie?
This is what I say:
When it's superficial – when you’re leading a “plastic” life, when the actions and thoughts and emotions you go over and over and over again are meaningless, purposeless, unguided – you’ll get stuck. There’s nothing underneath to reveal with all the poking and pulling and prodding and picking. Barbie’s leg ain’t real. Her best face is her sur-face.
But when you dig deep into something real – when you soul–examine instead of self–examine – when you ask why and how and when and what and who am I here for, instead of just who am I, you’ll find treasure. The boundless, unlimited, eternal treasure found within each Jew. All that soul-searching will prove that you have a soul to search. And with that soul, a G-d, who gave that soul to you, to serve.