I'm pleased to announce that I, TRS, am now officially insane. Only an
officially insane person would do what I am about to do. I'm going to
follow Cheerio's instructions and write what a Bochur thinks when he's
at a Shabbos table with a cute girl. Of course, this is only what I
think. I'm not everyone. I'm sure a lot of guys have brains the size
of walnuts and think differently than me. But I can hardly be held
responsible for their conduct. Anyways...
If I was as chassidish as I wish I was it would go something like this...
Hmm. A girl at the Shabbos table. What is wrong with the hosts here?
Don't they know that it's terrible to have bochurim and girls at one
time? Sick perverts. I'll get plastered and not have to think about it
anymore...Seriously, what is their problem? I'm trying to live the
bochur life here, not attend brothels on the holy shabbos day. Oh,
she's passing out the soup. I'll say thanks. I said thanks. I may be a
fanatic, but I still have manners. Oh, the croûtons? Yeah, I'd love
some of those. Thanks. Man, these hosts have mental issues. What were
they thinking?
If I was less chassidish than I am...
Ooh, a hot girl. This is great. How can I get her phone number? I'll
get plastered and work up the courage...
Finally, what TRS actually thinks...
Hey. A cute girl at the Shabbos table. I wonder how chassidish she is?
This could be it. This could be great. We can be married in a month or
so. Of course, she has to find out what my name is. And be interested
in me. How do I get girls interested in me? Farbreng. Well. All right,
I'm in someone else's house. So to do this properly, and without
embarrassing myself totally, I'll get plastered and impress her enough
to call her mom and breathlessly say, "I'VE FOUND HIM!" Or something
like that.
As you can see, all roads leads to alcohol.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Shabbos Table Dreams
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30 comments:
Happy everybody?
Soo clarify, the last bit, when you're plastered, you're imitating the girl? Nice.
Ahh, I see that my wording was vague. In fact, she's supposed to call mommma, not me.
I like how all three circumstances include your getting plastered.
Now how are you going to do that with only 4 shots hmmm?
You like it when guys get plastered?
Where there's a will there's Benedictine.
I find plastered bochurim amusing, you can learn a lot. I wouldn't necessarily want to go out with one though...
Well, certainly, having to deal with anyone plastered can be quite trying. The question is though, will you date a bochur who does get plastered on occasion?
I depends if vomit and terrible hangovers are included.
Otherwise, don't all Lubavitchers get plastered on various occasions year-around? Its part of our culture...
True, true. Of course, you know what the best cure for a terrible hangover, as recommended by the Talmud is, yes?
I'm afraid I'm rather ignorant of that talmudic region. By all means, enlighten me.
Does it include a lot of sleep?
The Talmud advises one who has a strong hangover to consume alcohol. I am not making this up.
This is where my semetic pride plays in.
Meaning...?
Meaning, BH we have answers for everything; from deep halachic issues concerning torah study to the real mundane issues of dealing with a hangover.
Quite. Suddenly makes proselytizing so much more palatable, eh?
Ahh that makes much more sense.
So that's what chassidish people think.
Of course outside of chabad, lubavatchers are not considered chasidish. That dubious honor is reserved for people who wear fur hats during heatwaves, thin silk coats in subzero temperatures, and speak hebrew with a put-on awful hungarian accent. They would be thinking Women!! Evil!! Must stone parents after shabbes!
I'm not a bigot. Honestly.
interesting how all three scenarios involved getting plastered. maybe its a good thing that we segregate the sexes. but then what's your excuse for getting drunk?
...it would be interesting to see what you would post about the bloggerette convention.... a table full of smart, cute, awesome gals.
we are having a bloggerette convetion, right cheerio?
LE7: Glad to be able to explain.
Modeh: They're more likely thinking up ways to gain entrance to...no, that's just me being uncharitable.
End Of World: What's my excuse for getting drunk? Lately it's been Simchas Torah/Purim. Boring but true.
EOW2: Hmm...some opinions remain classified.
I kinda wish there were more posts like this one, I learned so much...
I'm scared to ask what you learned from this one.
So don't...
Nu, spit it out.
naw...well alright but you asked!
WHAT I LEARNED:
P1 You listen to girls instructions
P2 Is that really what chassidish guys think? Such pretentious snobs.
(oh wait, thats an opinion)
P3 You don't know much about what a less-chassidish guy thinks (I'm judging the length of the paragraph)
P4 -You're probably one of those guys who will do the quick face>knee glance to see if she dresses tzniusly (don't think we don't notice, I always thought it was a weird twitch from learning all day)
-You use alcohol as a means to an end, or benedictine...
-You're a romantic, or at least you think girls are...
-you probably get plastered on a regular basis
And while on the topic, why do bochurim always sing/hum as they pass a girl? Is it like some sort of mating call? It's always so startling.
1: I've been trained well.
2: perhaps. Don't worry, they have as many taavos as everyone else, but they like to convince themselves...al derech the Friediker Rebbe's saying that you're normal, whoever is more frum than you is nuts, whoever is less frum is frie.
3: true. I imagine it gets pretty graphic. I don't really want to know.
4: who says it's only to check if they're dressed tzniusly? And would you rather a five minute state?
5: Sometimes. I very rarely get any Benedictine. But really, I put the alcohol thing in as a joke.
6: I certainly am, but I'm not naive enough to imagine that all girls are.
7: maybe four times a year.
8: should we stop? Now that you mention it though, I think you're right. It is odd. Personally I sing in the streets regardless, but I know other guys...and all interaction between the sexes is a mating ritual on some level.
Re4. I know its not only for tznius, a friend informed me they first check the face, if attractive they'll move down to the kneecaps. As you yourself said;"A cute girl at the Shabbos table. I wonder how chassidish she is" but no, a five minute stare is rather discomforting. I've had it, and it ain't fun.
re5. Don't worry, I know it's a joke.
re7. Ah so plastered is 4 times a year, but tipsy is how often?
re8. It is an odd habit but it informs us when a guy's around, like some sort of warning siren so we can do a quick hair fix and look eidle. I once thought I was COMPLETELY alone on the street, I looked to all sides, no one was there so I started singing very, very, very softly. And boom! This guy rushes past me less then 6 inches away. (keep in mind this is a very wide street aka Eastern Parkway.
4: I've never analyzed myself to see how true that is, but I'll take her word.
7: back in the day maybe ten times. Nowadays though I've fried out.
8: that's right, we're trying to help you.
I wish the men around here would pick up that habit. You know how many times I've backed up into a rabbi? Positively embarrassing.
Oy, I feel for you
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