Bsd
Remember how I promised to be honest?
To seek the truth?
Well, here's some.
Truth:
I often doubt that Moshiach is coming.
And not when you'd think I would.
Not when terrible, tragic things happen, or when I see evidence of our physcial world falling apart, no, those are the times when I have more faith that Moshaich is coming. That Hashem has some serious, long-term plans for us.
I doubt that Moshiach is coming on Wednesday evenings, when I'm wandering from the kitchen to my bedroom in my pajamas, alternatively looking for food and another good TV show to watch.
That's when I look at myself, at the realm? I'm living in, at its cozy little pattern of work and rest, of sleep and death, of life and all its crazy shit.
Where is Moshiach in all of this?
Where is that feeling that we are right on the verge of something incrediible?
That we are standing on the cliff's edge, and on the other side of the chasm, lies Glory?
I don't know what it was like when the Rebbe was still physically with us. I was about to be six in 1994, and the only memory I have of the Rebbe is Gimmel Tammuz.
But I imagine that energy pulsed through the streets of Crown Heights. I imagine that every time you did something right, you felt prouder, and every time you did something wrong, you felt guiltier.
I picture the t-shirts, the banners, the slogans not being the sole province of yellow-crazed foreigners, but of every Lubavticher.
And although I dont agree with the methods of those who campaign wih the cry of "Yechi" on their lips, I do envy their passion.
They believe that Moshiach is here, that he is with us still.
I don't want to make plans for the future.
I don't know how to balance planning even six months from now with the belief - firm, unwavering belief, belief so strong it makes you LIVE RIGHT NOW as your belief has been actualized - with thinking about saving up for a massage table, or making over my mother's wedding dress.
I believe Moshiach is coming.
I believe it because the Rebbe said so, and the Rebbe said so because Hashem said so.
And I believe in G-d.
My belief in G-d is illogical, and founded on a whole lot of emotion and a good dollop of neccessity, and so is my belief in the Geulah.
I know it is, and I choose to believe anyway, because - ha! - I BELIEVE IT IS RIGHT.
Even though I often doubt.
20 comments:
yasher koach. believe is what keeps people going.
there's a sicha somewhere in which the Rebbe gives a few different answers why it's okay to plan for the future and simultaneously have a firm belief in Moshiach's immediate arrival. It's been a while, but it could be (and it's so Rebbe to say this) that it helps bring moshiach closer, but I don't know for sure...
so don't feel bad.
if I find out the exact sicha, I'll post it here
Ugh, I understand all of that.
subscribing, interested in the sicha
i feel this post is like a scream
and all of us listeners look at each other a little embarassed...
the good kind of scream
(i will continue to think about it)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moore's_paradox
Belief is hard. It always seems to be easier
when you have strife to struggle through, it's the lulls that throw everything off. Inevitabilities are easy to have faith in, but something that is imminent is much harder especially when it doesn't happen now... Or now. Even worse is when "soon in our days" doesn't mean my days. Having faith then is something really special though.
Great post :)
i really relate to this...
Yossi+C: When they asked the FR about building mosdos, and doesn't that contradict our belief that Moshiach could come right now...
e: I'm having difficulty understanding Moore's paradox since this is my first introduction to it. Care to elaborate as to how you see it being associated with Cheerio's believe in the advent of the Jewish Messiah?
She seems to be saying, "Messiah's coming, but I don't believe it."
e. its a far less declarative, far more nuanced statement.
the true summarization of this post is, "Moshiach is coming, but I'm having a difficult time maintaining my belief in it."
Dumb down her post not!
wow. im so jealous of you that u just allow urself to believe neways...
Faith is good; faith supported by knowledge is better. As all things in life, it doesn’t just appear. One must work at it.
e, I think X-ian (and therefore Western) and, lehavdil, Jewish definitions of faith are different.
In any event, there are many examples of situations like described. Soldiers fighting for the cause they don’t believe in. Being stuck in a loveless marriage out of sense of obligation. Actually, that’s more like emunah without knowledge. Maybe going forth with a shidduch despite strong feelings to a person, because you know that objectively the person is right for you (whatever that means)? In such a case, one must work on the feelings, use knowledge to inspire them. The same thing with emunah.
lack of strong feelings*
I don't think what she is describing here falls into that catagory. A loveless marriage of obligation is not the same as a struggle with faith. She isn't describing being disenfranchised, just constant belif in an aspect of her convictions.
Ashirah, I love this post!
I can totally relate
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