Bsd
This started as something. I was never quite sure what. I took my time choosing the title of my blog. I had to find something that captured the essence of this experiment. Confessional? Journal? Diary? It was an amalgamation of all three, and something more.
It took me time to realize what it was that differentiated my blog from all my other writing.
People could read it.
Not that anyone did, back then.
But - they could, if they wanted to.
It changed the writing. Forced me to polish my sentences just a little bit more, restrain my flow of thought (or more correctly, emotion). It forced me to make allowances for an audience.
And then one day I had an audience.
Five people, maybe.
But my blog changed.
It wasn't about writing, anymore.
It was about the audience. All about the audience.
My blog was another Facebook, a slower paced IM, another link in the chain of social networking. The comments took on a life of their own, one which I enthusiastically participated in.
Hiatus.
It's what I should have posted, but didn't have the patience to.
I'm taking a blog hiatus.
But whoever cared would figure it out.
No blog reading or commenting or writing from me.
I took a break.
A lot happened.
I didn't do much.
Isn't it funny (funny odd, funny strange, funny ironically amusing - not funny haha) how often those two situations occur simultaneously?
Now.
I'm back.
Back just before I leave again, at least physically. Off to the Holy Land to celebrate a joyous occasion, which I plan on discussing. (With whom? You, the reader. Not the audience, but the reader? I can dream. This is the easy way out. I need to get published for real.)
This is another introduction, like the one I wrote when I began.
Appropriate for a new beginning.
Again.
Like many of my best posts, the most incoherent and introspective, this has been a 3 AM RANT.
105 comments:
Best posts?
(You wouldn't expect anything less)
what i really miss is
'hip in the heights." maybe because i don't have the patience to read.
trs - shall i say personal favorites, then? i rather like the way my brain works at 3 in the morning.
anon - issue. my computer broke. all my pictures are on it. i don't have a job. i don't go out in the day as often. vampiric lifestyle and all that. not really conducive to collecting more pictures. but i'll see what i can do!
hmmmm.
I'm still trying to figure this one out myself. That's why my blog is still blocked
how do you blog if your computer is broken? you would like bill cunnigham's thing on the nytimes website. check it out. it's called "on the street"
End of World: Why is it blocked? You had a pretty good blog, and I had some pretty brilliant comments.
endof - it was pretty fun. you blocking your blog was a sad day for my little blogging circle.
anonimoose- i saw that! it was AWESOME! makes me glad i live in new york ;) but why don't i ever see shoes like that in the CH?
A. Can someone post a link maybe?
B. End of World hadn't posted in months, what was so tragic exactly?
http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2008/11/29/fashion/20081130-street-feature/index.html
you gotta like shoes to like it, though.
Shoes? Not that I want to belabor the point once again, but shoes?
sorry, I didn't see that previous comment when I posted mine.
I know you know people I know and you know that I know that there are people that we both know.
when i saw the picture of rabbi zilber on your blog, i felt an instant connection ;)
so shall we do a little jewography now?
when were you in machon alte?
YES! A fellow Machon Alte Alum! (Is that the right form?)
He's amazing. I definitely miss Rabbi Zilber's Story Time aka History of Chabad.
I was there endish halfish of the summer of 2007 and I left about a year ago now. Yourself?
i wish! no, i actually went to chitrik circa 2006-7. but i had inside connections in the machon alte world, and hung out there quite a bit. one of my favorite shabbosim from my year in israel is the one i spent farbrenging with rabbi levinger at machon alte.
Don't wish that. It means you actually got a quality education.
So most of the people for the summer program in 07 were there 06-07....
hmm, like miriam nahan or sarah stone?
Yeah, Menuchah Rogers, Chaya Perlman, Estee Klein, Chetta.... the list goes on.
BS"D
This whole post is exactly the reason why I am scared to blog! I feel like all my writing will become superficial and audience-pleasing. How do bloggers stay away from that?
Isn't the whole goal of writing to please the audience?
BS"D
No, not really, or at least not for the reasons I like to write. Here's a few reasons;
1. There is a self-realization that comes with writing. Kind of like an accidental cheshbon nefesh.
2. I write because I have a point to express- I want my audience to enjoy it, to understand it, but for it to be from me. Not written because it's what they want to hear, rather it's written in a way they'll want to hear it, you get the difference?
3. Writing is the pen of the heart. It allows for emotions and all the mushy things you don't approve of, to find a concrete and palpable existence.
4. Writing can be your declaration to the world. It is impowering, it can make someone somewhat immortal... Edgar Allen Poe wrote a famous poem (was it something about a woman named Caroline?!) about the power of writing and how it immortalizes people...
5. Simply, I enjoy it!
1. No contradiction.
2. I never said that writing was about giving the audience what they want to read, but that the goal is to please the audience. If you don't please them, they'll never read. Telling them things that they don't want to read in a way that will make them want to read-that's the goal.
3. I'm not even going to go here (except in tonight's post on TRS).
4. And therefore? Even if the writer is the intended audience, the goal is still to make it enjoyable for the audience.
5. Me too!
BS"D
In short we are agreeing on the same things... just we are doing so in a loophole of over-inflated rhetoric. Lovely indeed.
As 1. a male, 2. a blogger, 3. me, you should know that I hate admitting that I actually agree with anyone in anything.
BS"D
Okay, so let me make you happy... I, agree with you. You are right and therefore I agree with you. You don't agree with me, you have just made me, the audience (though on s/o else's blog) agree with you through your briliantly creative and persuasive writing.
Feel better now?
Wow Fabulous that was some straight up ahavas yisroel right there.
I'd feel better if I understood what you were saying.
BS"D
I was trying to make your ego feel better. Rather then us agree, rather than you admitting that I am correct, I will allow myself to admit you are correct, and I am just following in your point of view not the other way around.
Does that help? (See, i'm trying to make the reader happy...)
Um, we only agreed to agree, not that you were correct. Otherwise, excellent, excellent.
BS"D
Exactly... so we'll say that whatever you say is correct, therefore, whatever i say is incorrect until it aligns with your correctness. Am I correct? Oh wait no, you are correct therefore I am correct? Wait no... I'm correct as a product of your correctiveness?
Or is it that if I am correct because you are correct, and you are correct because I am correct, then you are not correct and I am not correct.
Anywho, keep this in mind:
"I'm always right, I'm never wrong. The one time I thought I wasn't right... I was wrong!!!"
lol...
Brilliant analysis my dear girl. Keep it up long enough, and you might find yourself a politician one day.
BS"D
Pirkei Avos says that you should not get to close to polititians. They only are nice to you when they want something. The moment you are useless to their cause, they dispose of you.
Now, do I seem like that to you? I could rant and say I'm offended, but I'm not one who is frequent in ranting and complainging.
In anycase, I'm glad that my analysis are brilliant and that i'm dear girl. By golly, your complimentary attitude has begun to blossom. Lovely.
Ahh, the makings of a politician. Denies she's a politician. Brilliant.
Like a rose in spring I am.
BS"D
Ahh, i'm still brilliant, despite my political tactics being exposed. Wow, I'm even better than I thought.
Like a rose in spring? I was thinking more like a weed amongst the thorns... Or is it more like the thorn amongst the roses?
I'm not sure if I'd go that far.
Aren't you sweet.
Fab, in answer to your question: my writing on my blog is different than when i write for my own personal pleasure - because i know people will read it. just knowing there is an audience changes my writing. but - what i originally intended, and what i hope to do, is share my thoughts, my opinions, my cheshbon hanefesh, my points with an audience that would respond.
now, for a while, i had about two friends and trs reading the blog. so it changed for a bit. it went through a stage of growth, perhaps. and now i'm going to see what happens.
i encourage you to blog. it's a fun way to get yourself to write, its a little community here, a great place to insult and be insulted ;), and knowing you, i doubt that superficiality in your writing would be a problem, audience or no!
BS"D
TRS- Now i'm sweet too? You're on a roll.
Cheerio- Thanks for the thorough reply- we missed you around here.
I appreciate your vote of confidence in blogging, but if i waste this much time commenting klal v'chomer when i actually will blog!!!
What is life without wasted time?
BS"D
A productive meaningful existance.
Like, whatever.
yeah, but look at it this way - right now you're just passively wasting your time, commenting on other peoples' blogs. but if you had your own blog, then you would be actively wasting time! activity = productivity! so if you have your own blog, you're much more productive than if you're just commenting on others' blogs, like a parasite...
BS"D
Are you insinuating or blantantly calling me a parasite?
Let's just say that it was a polite invitation to get off your keester and make a blog of your own.
just saying ;)
BS"D
I'd be offended but Ashira i like u too much in person to be annoyed with u online. (excuse the lack of lovely blog approved spelling... and grammar for that matter)
awwww...
hey, what are you up to this chanuka?
(this is why you should get a blog - then i would know already! ;)
Yeah FG get a blog!
BS"D
Celebrating the holiday of lights... what else? ;)
Maybe someday I'll blog. We shall see...
Fabulous, Most people don't blog because their scared no one will read their stuff. You're scared that your stuff will get read?
Another sterling example of female logic.
Most boys get to get this out of their system by punching girls on the playground in third grade.
le7, good line. Truth is, this is the first opportunity I've had to be obnoxious to girls. I suppose this is a late version of the usual pre-adolescent's I'll-annoy-girls-so-that-at-least-they'll-look-at-me habit.
In case you haven't noticed, I'm in a I-want-to-make-very-long-hyphenated-phrases mood.
Half of what you and TRS say fits the model perfectly.
Or maybe it's just because we're so much smarter than you.
let me rephrase. Perhaps this is due to the men-are-so-much-smarter-and-more-knowledgeable-than-women-even-though-women-like-to-think-otherwise-for-some-strange-reason phenomenon. I've got to fill today's hyphen-use quota.
Yeah, I second e on this one.
I'm starting to think it only seems that way since you guys know way more about yiddishkeit than me. Take that out of the equation, put both of you in the place of your average intelligent college student and you would be blinded by how brilliant I am. I bet I would have higher marks hands down.
Actually, e is currently on the dean's list at a prestigious new York area school.
Fine. I'm not smart you win.
...with a 4.00 GPA (although I'm not sure about the "prestigious" part)
Anyways I'm on the Dean's List too, I have perfect marks, I'm on scholarship.
Heck I got into Madison without even writing an entrance essay.
e. - What is your major?
Fine. You are smart. Listen, we can both be smart. But I'll be smarter, because I'm a male. And you probably got into your hotshot school because someone in the admissions office had the let's-act-affirmatively-towards-women-because-they've-been-oppressed-for-so-long attitud
When I begin experienncing the my-fingers-hit0the-zero-key-isntead-of-the-hyphen-and-all0the-words-are-cominh-out-mispelled, I kniw it's time for the crawl-away-from-the-computer-and-into-bed ritual. G'night y'all.
E: yeah, I wouldn't be too proud of you.
Elisheva: whenever guys in yeshiva are bragging about themselves I invariably say, "Wow, you're so incredible! Can I marry you, or at least lick the lint from your belly button?" I suppose that wouldn't be too appropiate here, but I assume you understand my sentiments.
e. - No. I got in because I have a decently high ACT score, was 8th in my high school class, did a million extra curricular activities, got high AP test scores... need I say more?
Maybe I should transfer to a prestigious university just to say booyah.
TRS - Like I said. Most boys get this out of their system in third grade. It's all behavioral mating rituals.
I always told my parents they should send me to a coed school, but for some reason they never listened.
Hey, you were in coed during your formative years.
i still remember my friend telling me her mother told her this when we were in third grade. yeesh, and you're calling women illogical...
Say what cheerio?
Elisheva: fat lot of good it did me
You didn't get to slug any of the Robbins during recess?
Are you kidding me? Us lubavitchers stuck together like birds of a feather. Heck, I was the only boy they gave shalach manis to!
pull anyone's hair? scream about cooties? fight over having the window open or closed on the bus? (that was our carpool favorite).
They gave you shalach manos? That is so cute!
that is really cute!
ok, everyone, a collective "awwwwwww" would be appropriate here ;)
ah - question: if you saw a Robbins today... would you say hi?
They're both married.
You think I only became a lady's man recently?
Would I say hi? It would depend where I saw them. Crown heights probably no, but anywhere else I'd probably nod and mumble.
i guess that decreases the sensationalism of the question...
"a lady's man"... interesting. aside from the fact that it's more appropriately spelled "ladies' man" (unless you're insinuating that you have a monogamous charm), i'm not sure i would use that exact term... you, LE7?
Wait I thought he was a stud, now a ladies' man? I can't keep up.
Ever since rabbeinu gershom banned it, it's one at a time for me.
dude, you are RELIGIOUS!
LE7 - wait, when was he a stud?
I know.
When wasn't I? In fact, when I was in CGI Milwaukee, the counsellors used to call me studmeister, which my mother hated, understandably.
Cheerio - A few hours ago. When SZB accused you and I of being TRS' groupies.
TRS - For real? Was this before the days of chassidish lubavitcher counselors?
Also you were in CGI Milwaukee? Me too!
awwww...
guess i missed that. i'm still catching up from all the commenting that went on a few hours ago while i was cozily snuggled up in bed. or rather, on my bed.
Yeah, they weren't the most chassidish guys and girls in the world. And yes, when were you in camp?
Yeah. Now they only have girls and chassidish ones at that. Let's see.
I think I was 7 or 8? So '96 or '97.
That sounds pretty boring. And yeah, you were in camp with my sisters.
I'm younger than them I think no? Considering they have children that is...
you were in little girl bunk, they were in big girl bunk.
Okay I only remember three people from my camp years. Shmaya. Devorah Leah. Chanie S. (She was my learning counselor sooooo... yeah).
Truth is, we might just have moved when you came to camp. What years were you there?
I was only there for a summer. EIther '96 or '97. Not sure.
BS"D
Firstly, women were given the gift of bina yeiserah. Of course men have a greater level of Chochmah, but Bina-the workings that lead to the outcome is what we have. As a woman I'm much happier having bina over your Chochma any day... Not to mention that I'm born on a higher spiritual plain, therefore no bris, teffilin, etc.
e- Why would you think that my reasoning for not blogging is a fear of an audience? If you knew me in person you would kick yourself for such a comment. Right LE7? (I'm thinking the National anthem... I'm sure u remember that!)
If anyone is not afraid to express themselves, it's me.
My hesitence in blogging is due to the massive pile of papers I need to grade, and lessons I need to plan. Not including my davening, learning, being with family and friends offline, and just having time.
I want my words to be thought out and reflect the depth within... I can't write blog posts in a hurry, so I would devote too much time to it, that I don't have.
That was the most gorgeous and hilarious rendition of the national anthem.
BS"D
Thank you... My talent oft' times surpasses my expectations.
In any case, it was a lot of fun! When you come to NY, we'll have the "girl blogger reunion" (although I'm not an "official" blogger) and I'll sing it all over for you again :)
Fab: You think anyone has time to blog? Believe you me, if I had known how much time it would suck out of my days when I had started, I wouldn't be doing it.
TRS - Well said. Of course as my land-lady likes to remind me, if you want to get something done, give it to a busy person.
So I figure, since I was so busy already, by dedicating hours a day to blogging, I am in fact even more productive than I was when I was doing my homework on time.
LE7, your logic is impeccable. when i was working and going to sem and in general, was much more busy than i am now, i blogged much more. but now that i'm trying to be a productive person again, i'm doing it backwards. i started blogging again, now with the grace of G-d i'll find a job, and then start taking classes again...
I wish it actually worked that way. NoW that I'm sitting up I'll probably sleep in late. Then go to work late. Come home late. Help my land lady late. Blog late. Late late late. Maybe I'll break the cycle and only sleep a few hours tonight.
What the hell am I thinking? I don't need to do that since I'm not in school! ah! Ah@\!
In regards to your blog, long before those aforementioned late hours, I know exactly what you mean. Channeling creativity via writing, music, art, etc. immediately becomes just a wee bit more intimidating upon awareness of an audience. Such conciousness, self-conciousness in truth puts expression at risk of censorship. I suppose the trick is to ignore the fear and just write, in a rush of words and emotion and not think of polish, grammer, opinion but what it is you are truly trying to say. I suppose some composition is necessary though, if not for the sake of coherence.
gosh, I sound like such a nerd! hah...
but i love it!
most people don't actually respond to the post. they just like to talk about silly stuff. i'm looking forward to both giving and getting some serious comments now that you've joined our little group ;)
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